Trump, Musk, Farage and Morgan: Like a superhero film with no good guys

Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column.

Typically there’s no good man, it’s simply dangerous man vs. dangerous man.

This week we’ve seen Elon Musk (who, lest we neglect, known as his youngster X Æ A-XII — X and as soon as live-tweeted himself taking a shit) have his bid accepted to purchase Twitter, that infamous refuge for Russian bots, care dwelling for people who find themselves unsuitable about completely all the pieces, and all-round hellhole.

The massive query is whether or not Musk, who has mentioned he desires to make Twitter a bastion totally free speech, will let banned figures, corresponding to spray-tan fanatic Donald Trump, again in.

The previous U.S. president could not but be again on Twitter however he was again within the information this week after storming out of an interview with Piers Morgan, in a gathering pitting a person as soon as described as a “mangled apricot hell beast” towards one dubbed a “sentient ham.”

Trump vs Morgan is a bit like a soccer match during which not solely do you not need both crew to win however during which the one vaguely passable end result could be for the stadium to be lifted off the bottom by a hurricane and dumped within the ocean.

The rationale for Trump’s mood tantrum was, in accordance with Morgan, that he was given a “file” itemizing all of the criticism dished out by the British presenter over the previous couple of years. Who handed over the file, you ask? None apart from Brexiteer and brown noser-in-chief Nigel Farage (Trump, Morgan and Farage! I’m going to wish about 30 showers after ending this column).

In the meantime, Farage supplied some comedy gold this week. “For years I’d achieve 30,000 new Twitter followers per thirty days and most tweets would get 5,000+ retweets,” he humblebragged. “Now I’ve had zero development for 18 months & engagement is at an all-time low. It’s the identical for hundreds of others. Twitter’s algorithm now wants to alter — and alter quick!” He’s completely proper, in fact, responsible Twitter’s algorithm, slightly than the truth that with no Brexit to champion and no fake buddy within the White Home, Farage is about as related as a Betamax video participant (youthful readers, ask your grandparents).

Rumors that Vladimir Putin has been too busy waging conflict to direct his bot military to comply with Farage on Twitter have been unconfirmed on the time of going to press. Maybe it’s one thing for Musk to look into as soon as the takeover has been finalized.

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Final week we gave you this picture:

Thanks for all of the entries. Right here’s the very best from our postbag — there’s no prize apart from the present of laughter, which I believe we will all agree is way extra invaluable than money or booze.

“The U.S. president and a few man with a blue tie,” by Alastair Gardner.

Paul Dallison is POLITICO‘s Slot Information Editor.